10 Self-Esteem Tips from The Social Importance of Self-Esteem

The Social Importance of Self-Esteem

10 tips provided by the ‘The (California) State Task Force to Promote Self-Esteem and Personal and Social Responsibility.’  1986-1990

(Note: 2014, I can no longer find this list online)

1. ACCEPT YOURSELF. Every day when you get up, say to yourself, “I am a worthwhile and lovable person, no matter how many “mistakes” I make.

2. SET REALISTIC GOALS. Try to better yourself, but set goals that are within your reach. For example, if you want to stop smoking and go on a diet, don’t try both at the same time.

3. FORGIVE YOURSELF AND OTHERS. Remind yourself: “Today is the first day of the rest of my life.” To forgive yourself and others, let go of past feelings of guilt and resentment. Get on with your life.

4. EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS. Start by being honest with yourself. Next, find someone you trust–a spouse, a parent, a close friend–and tell him or her how you feel. Truthfully express your feelings this way and you’ll slowly build confidence.

5. TRUST YOURSELF AND OTHERS. Make an agreement with yourself to be more responsible. Do something simple like getting up at a certain time in the morning. When you do it a few times, you’ll begin to trust yourself in more important situations.

6. TAKE APPROPRIATE RISKS. Go back to school. Seek a better job. If you don’t take chances, you’ll be in the same old rut.

7. TAP YOUR CREATIVITY. Everyone is creative, but we stifle our creativity because we’re afraid of failure. Force yourself to keep at it until you get it right. Most of all have fun.

8. FIND YOUR SPIRITUALITY. We can all increase our self-esteem by realizing we’re accepted and loved by the Creator, exactly as we are.

9. ELIMINATE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS. You damage your self-esteem by allowing your mind to be filled with negative thoughts such as “I’m a terrible worker” or “I’m too fat.”

10. LIKE YOUR BODY. Your health and appearance are important parts of your self-esteem. Accept the things you can’t change, such as heights. Work to change the things you can, like being overweight.

Maria’s Recommended Reading:

The Feeling Good Handbook, I’m OK, You’re OK, How to Be Your Own Best Friend

Self-esteem is not self-confidence. http://www.self-esteem-health.com/about-self-esteem.html

Twisted Thinking: Your Thoughts Might Not Be Right

Definitions of Cognitive Distortions

Cognitive (thinking) distortions are exaggerated or irrational thought patterns.  Psychiatrist Aaron T. Beck laid the groundwork for these distortions. Later his student David D. Burns popularized the concept in The Feeling Good Book.

I first came across this concept in 1991 while suffering with anxiety myself.  I was fortunate to get some short-term help from “Freedom From Fear”, on Staten Island.   I still take this information out from time to time.

I also give this information to my clients who are stuck, overwhelmed, frustrated, are negative or are just having a difficult time making changes to their business.   Often they can find  the cause in the list below.  Sometimes they seek the help of a therapist for help.

Cognitive distortions are sometimes called “twisted thinking”  or “stinky thinking”  and often has an affect on our self-esteem, confidence, and the way we live our lives.    Here’s a good article, on exercises you can do to fix cognitive thinking by Dr. John Grohl  



Please seek the help of a licensed therapist if you’re feeling depressed or suffer from are anxiety.   

Life Coaches, like myself, are not therapists.  


1.  ALL-OR-NOTHING-THINKING: You see things in black-and-white categories. If your performance falls short of perfect you see yourself as a total failure.


2.  OVERGENERALIZATION: You see a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat.


3.  MENTAL FILTER: You pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it exclusively so that your vision of all reality becomes darkened, like the drop of ink that discolors the entire beaker of water.


4.  DISQUALIFYING THE POSITIVE: You reject positive experiences by insisting they “don’t count” for some reason or other. In this way you can maintain a negative belief that is contradicted by your everyday experiences.


5.  JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS: You make a negative interpretation even though there are no definite facts that convincingly support your conclusions.   *Mind Reading: You arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you, and you don’t bother to check this out.  *The Fortune Teller Error: You anticipate that things will turn out badly, and you feel convinced that your prediction is an already established fact.


6.  MAGNIFICATION (CATASTROPHIZING) OR MINIMIZATION: You exaggerate the importance of things (such as your goof-up or someone else’s achievement), or you inappropriately shrink things until they appear tiny (your own desirable qualities or the other fellow’s imperfections). This is also called the “binocular trick.”


7.  EMOTIONAL REASONING: You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are: “I feel it, therefore it must be true.”


8.  SHOULD STATEMENTS: You try to motivate yourself with shoulds and shouldn’ts, as if you had to be whipped and punished before you could be expected to do anything. “Musts” and “oughts” are also offenders. The emotional consequence is guilt. When you direct should statements toward others, you feel anger, frustration, and resentment.


9.  LABELING AND MISLABELING: This is an extreme form of overgeneralization. Instead of describing your error, you attach a negative label to yourself: “I’m a loser.” When someone else’s behavior rubs you the wrong way, you attach a negative label to him: “He’s a louse.” Mislabeling involves describing  an event with language that is highly colored and emotionally loaded.


10. PERSONALIZATION: You see yourself as the cause of some negative external event, which in fact you were not primarily responsible for.



Feeling Good: The New Moody Therapy” by Dr. David D. Burns,

Taming the Gremlin by Carson,

Little Voice Mastery by Singer  and

Dr Benjamin has a well done PowerPoint on the subject




Do you know what makes you fascinating?

If there’s anything I know about my clients and online community it’s that they are life-long learners who just LOVE learning! And this post is about a gift to a no-cost-to-you opportunity that I believe you’ll enjoy — as much as I did. PLUS you’re bound to get some really good use from it in your business, too.

Your personality has specific advantages. Not only in your personal life, but as you run and market your business!

In just 5 minutes, you can discover your own advantage — and what makes you stand out (hint: the real value that you provide clients and what makes you stand out is an important part of your firm’s brand).

Sally Hogshead’s Fascination Advantage™ is the first personality assessment developed on the science of branding, rather than psychology. Unlike the traditional test many of us have taken — like Myers-Briggs or Strength Finder — this assessment isn’t about measuring how you see the world — it’s about how the World sees YOU.

Take it now. In less than 5 minutes, you can discover your own highest value. And you can pass the gift (and this email) along to your team members, colleagues, friends and family, too!

Get Started

1. Copy this code to take the $37 assessment at no-cost-to-you: BL-elevatingyourbusiness

BL then a dash, then elevatingyourbusiness


2. Click here to register for the quiz

3. Paste the code in the appropriate place on the registration form.

Again, the code to the gift of a $37 assessment is BL-elevatingyourbusiness

By the way, my Fascination Archetype is The Avant-Garde. My primary fascination advantage is Prestige and my secondary is Innovation.

I’d love to hear what you’ve learned about you! Let me know your Archetype and Advantages below in the comments area. I look forward to learning more about you!

Fascinating stuff!


Upwards and Onwards,

Elevating Your Business supports financial advisors to be more successful by designing business and marketing solutions to achieve maximize growth while realizing their vision. With Maria Marsala at the helm, you gain a trusted partner with an in-depth knowledge of the financial industry and business development from the ground floor up — and a trained personal coach, too. Discover more and download your Business Accelerator Toolkit now

Happy Valentine’s Day – Enjoy This Special Coaching Offer!

The dates for this offer are over, however, I can offer you one  60-minute coaching session at a deep discount. Follow the same links and let me help you…


You and I may have something important in common. Sometimes, I have a hard time asking for help.

I’m here to remind you that the fastest way to reach your goals in 2014 is to enlist some help!

I believe in the power of coaching. So when I realize that I need help, I hire coaches and consultants to help me grow. Personally, I like 1:1 versus group work. If you do, too, click on this link and let’s talk.

Why coaching might be right for you now:

— Maybe you’re stuck.
— Maybe you’ve hit a plateau.
— Maybe you’re tired of working more than 35 hours per week.
— Maybe you’re just having trouble FOCUSING.

Well, solving these challenges is my specialty!

I’ve opened up a few Breakout Strategy Session slots (1:1 time with me) that will the supply clarity and focus that can take you to the next level.

During your strategy session, we will explore what YOUR next steps should be and how I can help you put those steps in place.

These sessions aren’t for everyone, however.

I’m looking to work with a few people who are serious action-takers, so there is a $97 fee to secure a strategy session.

CLICK HERE to secure your spot.

If we decide to work together 1:1 or you join a group, I will apply your $97 to the tuition. If not, you’ll have purchased $475 worth of strategic advice for a huge discount.

When you work with me, you’ll build a bigger, better, rock-solid business, develop consistent marketing that brings prospects to your door, provide resources that save you time–always drilling down on the next 3 actions you need to take in the next 2 weeks so that you start seeing results.


If you’d like to chat about really gaining some focus and clarity in your sales, your marketing, or just your overall business direction…

CLICK HERE and let’s talk.

Enjoy this Valentine’s Day gift!

Register and submit payment before February 19, 2014. All sessions for this Valentine’s Day special must take place before March 15, 2014, no exceptions.

Yes, you can pass this offering along to other financial advisors and small business owners.

Upwards and Onwards,

Maria Marsala's name

P.S. Please retweet this post and send it to our LinkedIn connections, too. Give the gift of affordable help to other financial advisors or high-achieving small business owners who would love to experience their best business year yet!