10 Self-Esteem Tips from The Social Importance of Self-Esteem

The Social Importance of Self-Esteem

10 tips provided by the ‘The (California) State Task Force to Promote Self-Esteem and Personal and Social Responsibility.’  1986-1990

(Note: 2014, I can no longer find this list online)

1. ACCEPT YOURSELF. Every day when you get up, say to yourself, “I am a worthwhile and lovable person, no matter how many “mistakes” I make.

2. SET REALISTIC GOALS. Try to better yourself, but set goals that are within your reach. For example, if you want to stop smoking and go on a diet, don’t try both at the same time.

3. FORGIVE YOURSELF AND OTHERS. Remind yourself: “Today is the first day of the rest of my life.” To forgive yourself and others, let go of past feelings of guilt and resentment. Get on with your life.

4. EXPRESS YOUR FEELINGS. Start by being honest with yourself. Next, find someone you trust–a spouse, a parent, a close friend–and tell him or her how you feel. Truthfully express your feelings this way and you’ll slowly build confidence.

5. TRUST YOURSELF AND OTHERS. Make an agreement with yourself to be more responsible. Do something simple like getting up at a certain time in the morning. When you do it a few times, you’ll begin to trust yourself in more important situations.

6. TAKE APPROPRIATE RISKS. Go back to school. Seek a better job. If you don’t take chances, you’ll be in the same old rut.

7. TAP YOUR CREATIVITY. Everyone is creative, but we stifle our creativity because we’re afraid of failure. Force yourself to keep at it until you get it right. Most of all have fun.

8. FIND YOUR SPIRITUALITY. We can all increase our self-esteem by realizing we’re accepted and loved by the Creator, exactly as we are.

9. ELIMINATE NEGATIVE THOUGHTS. You damage your self-esteem by allowing your mind to be filled with negative thoughts such as “I’m a terrible worker” or “I’m too fat.”

10. LIKE YOUR BODY. Your health and appearance are important parts of your self-esteem. Accept the things you can’t change, such as heights. Work to change the things you can, like being overweight.

Maria’s Recommended Reading:

The Feeling Good Handbook, I’m OK, You’re OK, How to Be Your Own Best Friend

Self-esteem is not self-confidence. http://www.self-esteem-health.com/about-self-esteem.html

Twisted Thinking: Your Thoughts Might Not Be Right

Definitions of Cognitive Distortions

Cognitive (thinking) distortions are exaggerated or irrational thought patterns.  Psychiatrist Aaron T. Beck laid the groundwork for these distortions. Later his student David D. Burns popularized the concept in The Feeling Good Book.

I first came across this concept in 1991 while suffering with anxiety myself.  I was fortunate to get some short-term help from “Freedom From Fear”, on Staten Island.   I still take this information out from time to time.

I also give this information to my clients who are stuck, overwhelmed, frustrated, are negative or are just having a difficult time making changes to their business.   Often they can find  the cause in the list below.  Sometimes they seek the help of a therapist for help.

Cognitive distortions are sometimes called “twisted thinking”  or “stinky thinking”  and often has an affect on our self-esteem, confidence, and the way we live our lives.    Here’s a good article, on exercises you can do to fix cognitive thinking by Dr. John Grohl  

 

 

Please seek the help of a licensed therapist if you’re feeling depressed or suffer from are anxiety.   

Life Coaches, like myself, are not therapists.  

 

1.  ALL-OR-NOTHING-THINKING: You see things in black-and-white categories. If your performance falls short of perfect you see yourself as a total failure.

 

2.  OVERGENERALIZATION: You see a single negative event as a never-ending pattern of defeat.

 

3.  MENTAL FILTER: You pick out a single negative detail and dwell on it exclusively so that your vision of all reality becomes darkened, like the drop of ink that discolors the entire beaker of water.

 

4.  DISQUALIFYING THE POSITIVE: You reject positive experiences by insisting they “don’t count” for some reason or other. In this way you can maintain a negative belief that is contradicted by your everyday experiences.

 

5.  JUMPING TO CONCLUSIONS: You make a negative interpretation even though there are no definite facts that convincingly support your conclusions.   *Mind Reading: You arbitrarily conclude that someone is reacting negatively to you, and you don’t bother to check this out.  *The Fortune Teller Error: You anticipate that things will turn out badly, and you feel convinced that your prediction is an already established fact.

 

6.  MAGNIFICATION (CATASTROPHIZING) OR MINIMIZATION: You exaggerate the importance of things (such as your goof-up or someone else’s achievement), or you inappropriately shrink things until they appear tiny (your own desirable qualities or the other fellow’s imperfections). This is also called the “binocular trick.”

 

7.  EMOTIONAL REASONING: You assume that your negative emotions necessarily reflect the way things really are: “I feel it, therefore it must be true.”

 

8.  SHOULD STATEMENTS: You try to motivate yourself with shoulds and shouldn’ts, as if you had to be whipped and punished before you could be expected to do anything. “Musts” and “oughts” are also offenders. The emotional consequence is guilt. When you direct should statements toward others, you feel anger, frustration, and resentment.

 

9.  LABELING AND MISLABELING: This is an extreme form of overgeneralization. Instead of describing your error, you attach a negative label to yourself: “I’m a loser.” When someone else’s behavior rubs you the wrong way, you attach a negative label to him: “He’s a louse.” Mislabeling involves describing  an event with language that is highly colored and emotionally loaded.

 

10. PERSONALIZATION: You see yourself as the cause of some negative external event, which in fact you were not primarily responsible for.

 

Resources:

Feeling Good: The New Moody Therapy” by Dr. David D. Burns,

Taming the Gremlin by Carson,

Little Voice Mastery by Singer  and

Dr Benjamin has a well done PowerPoint on the subject

 

 

 

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Maria Marsala's name

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